If we all took some time of self reflection, how many of you nice folks who are reading this would think to yourself "oh yeah. I'd be locked up with me for an indefinite period of time. It would be a blast." If anybody said "yes" to that, then you are a liar or just delusional. It kind of reminds me of the saying regarding finding a sucker at the poker table: If you can't spot the sucker, then its you. Although, in this case, if you can't spot the crazy person, it's you, and also, everyone else is crazy with you.
I got lucky. I got locked in the house with my best friend and a 25 lb wrecking ball, whose sole purpose is to provide us with smiles, laughter and sheer unadulterated terror. When he's not beeing silly he is grabbing everything he can that he's not supposed to, or he's tripping over everything and falling, or he's mad because he doesn't want the chicken nugget that he has in his hand, he wants the one thats in YOUR hand. And then the fake crying ensues. Oh yes. The boy can fake cry. We've started giving him timeouts which so far have been mildly effective. He does something after we tell him not to, like playing with the surge protector, and then we pick him up and sit him in the time out spot, and one of us looks at him sternly and says "No Nathan Thomas. Don't touch the surge protector." And then there is a slow burn where he looks from one parent to the other, and then the bottom lip starts to shake, and you can see him willing himself to start crying. And then Amanda and I look at each other and do our best to hide our laughter because it's like we have Daniel Day-Lewis for a son. And I just think of what our future has in store for us, because I just can't imagine that this isn't going to keep happening. He knows he's cute, and thats where the problem lies. You can't stay mad at him. That is to say, he has to do something overtly bad for you to stay genuinely mad at him, like when he decides he's just going to smack you in the face. And that's when you have to fight the urge not to do something drastic. It gives you an appreciation for the boxer Evander Holyfield, who was asked by reporters after his fight with Mike Tyson, "what did you want to do after he bit your ear off?" to which he responded "I wanted to bite him right back." I'm not saying that I want to take the toy broom and hit him over the head with it, but it does say a lot about human instinct when presented with that opportunity.
And you can add me to that list as well. I can only assume that there have been moments in this quarantine period where I have done something and Amanda has gone to bed that night thinking "Our yard is big. Nobody would ever find him under deck. But then I'd have to worry about the dogs, and he's too fat to drag under there by myself, and of course I'd have to hide the body during nap time because Nathan would just want to ride him like his toy dinosaur. It's just not worth it. He'll annoy me less in the morning." And honestly, at this point it would be justifiable homicide. Because any woman who's stuck in the house with a man has entertained the idea of him being gone in a permanent way.
However, I shouldn't assume that she actually thinks that. I'm just thinking that I KNOW I'm annoying and infuriating and if it were me on the other end I would probably entertain such appetites.
BUT all this is not to say that the Massey house has been Orange Osage County. To be honest, it's been pretty great. We have a semi-routine now. The boy wakes up around 8-9 and I feed him breakfast, and then depending on the weather we take a walk around the neighborhood, come back home and either go outside in the back yard or watch Puppy Dog Pals or Molly of Denali, and then we have lunch at noon, and around 1 he takes a nap and between 1-4 Amanda and I watch TV or try and do something productive...lets be honest, we just watch TV, and then he wakes up and we give him a snack and let him play, then around 5 we have dinner, which we have planned out a week in advance, and by the time 7 rolls around he goes to bed and Amanda and I go back to being productive, (read: watch more TV). Amanda has been really creative at finding things for Nathan to do that's not just watching TV or playing with toys. This is on top of having to deal with "working" from home. I really don't know how she does it, but she does.
I wish there were more exciting things to say, but this Covid-19 mess has just slowed everything to a halt. The day is filled with the mundane, and the mundane has become exciting, which just means that when we are actually allowed to get out of the house going back to work is going to be like the first day at Hogwarts.
There will be numerous life lessons that come out of all this, but the most personal one for me will be that there aren't many people out there who are fortunate to be stuck with the person that makes them better each and every day. Some folks are stuck with someone horrible, or boring, or rude, or mean, or just unloving. I was stuck with somebody who cares for me, even when I'm not caring for myself, and that's rare.
So good night all you crazy cats and kittens. Make sure you appreciate what you have and be mindful of those who don't.
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