So as of today we are 18 weeks into this lovely little adventure we've got going on around here. Each day it gets more and more real, which is like saying that Pinocchio became a real boy but just one body part per week. Also, Summer is officially in full swing, meaning that I go to work and Amanda tries to attend as much Professional Development so that she can work but just not do it in the comfort of our home, which currently looks like a Target and an HEB exploded. I guess I really need to hunker down and get some cleaning done. Honestly, the cleanest area in the whole house is the Garage, and thats only clean because we got baby furniture, meaning that the furniture in the baby room needed somewhere to go and that somewhere was the garage. Most of the contents of the garage is either in the City of Killeen landfill, or at Goodwill. We decided to do all this moving Memorial Day weekend and I thought that the best thing for me to do was to not eat breakfast, take a bunch of medicine and then work in the garage in temperatures that made it feel like I was dancing the tarantella on the Sun. You know, when you're a kid your teachers use this phrase: make good choices. Most of the time it's to keep you from doing something that will get you in trouble, but what they are really trying tell you is the greatest advice that Dwight Schrute ever received, and that advice is this: Don't be an idiot. Well, I come from a long line of idiots and I paid the price for a stomach full of medicine with no breakfast in sweltering heat. You of course really wanted to know all about this.
What I really wanted to discuss was Gender. Pretty soon we are going to find out what Baby Massey is, and it reminds me of two things, this audio clip that I have embedded and the song "Soliloquy" from Rogers' and Hammerstein's musical, Carousel. I'll talk about Billy Bigelow first and we will get to the clip after.
This is John Raitt, Bonnie's dad, and this dude could sing. However, its what he's singing that matters right now. I don't expect you to watch this (it is 8 minutes long. Ain't no body got time for that...but you should) but the gist of Soliloquy is a man contemplating that he's going to be a father and realizing that each outcome will provide him with a myriad of challenges and a myriad of opportunities for pride and wonder. He's so set on his child being a boy that he never imagines that he could have a girl, but when that reality hits him its a whole new door of possibility that's been opened.
"You can have fun with a son, but you gotta be a father to a girl."
Misogyny aside, its not all that different from what I've been thinking about since I saw the pregnancy test, the main difference being that you have to be a father to BOTH. I have dreams and nightmares for both. I can see my son do all kinds of things, playing tee-ball, excel in school, learn an instrument, drive, go off to college. I can see my daughter doing the same things, play tee ball, learn gymnastics, roller-skate, get dressed up for prom, see her leave for college, see me walk her down the aisle. I can also see my kids hit the ball off the tee and then run to 3rd base, fail a test because they didn't study, run over their violin with the car because they left it sitting on the trunk. I can see her be a huge pain in the butt because she wants THIS prom dress and I can see her fighting with her Mom because Mom suggested something cheaper and then her lose it because she's of that age where Moms are just not cool and don't understand the plight of a teen girl. I see all those things, and there are nights were I make sure I haven't wet myself in fear, and yet I still think about the absolute joy that will come with this bundle of Massey that will arrive just 5 months from now. And it makes me think of when I was 5 years old.
That clip is from 1986, and thats me being interviewed by my Dad while my mom was pregnant with my sister. I just spliced out this small section, but the whole interview is about 15 minutes long and I sound like Ricky Bobby's kids. What I love about this clip is that even when I was 5 had difficulty making a decision.
Here's why I feel that this clip is important. I feel the same now as I did 32 years ago when this was recorded. I hope its girl or a boy. I have no preconceived notions at all, only hopes.
I hope its healthy. I hope it has 10 fingers, 10 toes, eyes, a nose, ears, and it's born knowing that it is loved. I don't care what it is. I just care that it knows that its ours and we are their's forever.
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